i feel very depressed, i might kill myself?

its hard to explain my feelings. i feel very sad alota the time…most of the day pretty much, even when i’m suposed to feel happy…i do feel happy sometimes, but its overshadowed by depressed feelings…i’m so bad at everything, i’m weak and i let people put me down…then, i’ll listen to sad music and cry about it…i really see no love from sooo many ppl. some obviusly are friendly, but there r no relationships formed between us…i basically hate who i am, and how i act, and hw alota things just dun workout for me…it may seem that alota ppl go thru this stuff, but wen u feel so down so many times in just one day that u wana grab that knife and cut urself so deep, that there’s no way u’ll survive…thats hw i feel…and i am not in high skool, cause i kno alota high skool kids go thru this stuff for some reason…im 20, but i could swear to u tha chances that’ll succeed in life r so slim, that there’s no point in trying, and yes it does seem that everything is going against me…ya im athletic, i wrkout, i hve a favourite sport and im amazing at it (not braging) that i play semi pro nw, im in 3rd yr in university, but i cant really do well…i do stupid stuff, im kind to ppl, but i do stupid stuff that furtheres away ppl from that i love…i basically see no love from them tho…im so mesd up i don’t even understand myself…i think i need major help…but i wont go to a doctor b/c im embarased and i wont speak, and i wont take pills b/c thats not the solution…i think i need some love…im here nw, maybe not tomoro…i really cant think prprly nw, and might harm myself…im scared, im deeply hurt and depressed…i need help

Problems with Cerazette POP?

I’ve been on the Cerazette POP for two months now and I’ve never been more moody, down, and just generally horrible.
It’s the first pill I’ve ever taken and I’m sure it’s what’s causing me my problems. I cry at the slightest thing, sit getting paranoid about everything (I’m fat and ugly etc), I feel generally down and unmotivated, I cry once a day at least, I’ve had periods pretty much once every 2 to 3 weeks.
I also started going to slimming world to stop comfort eating as I noticed I’d gained weight, I ate the most healthy foods possible and I gained 1lb in my first week! I now feel even worse, I’m crying lots, driving my parents mad and asking my man the most silly questions and creating issues out of nothing at all.
Has anyone else had similar problems when taking Cerazette, as aside from normal life stress (which has never affected me this badly), I don’t know what else it could be!
Thanks everyone!

What do you think these symptoms are???

SENSIBLE ANSWERS ONLY – AS THIS IS SERIOUS!

I have been for about a month or more now been feeling a little different. I have these strange bubbles occasionally in my stomach & also like a pulsy feeling. a couple of days a week (not every day) i have felt a little naurious but not sick. I have been quite sleepy & have been experiencing weird temperatures lately. I have been passing alot of gas (which is quite embarrasing)! also i have occasionally been feeling like wet down there.
I have also noticed my stomach is quite big. I am a very slim (skinny figure)-but i do drink beer so maybe its just that??!?!?
I am on the pill but for about 3 weeks in a row i skipped my period (was having sex). I have these crazy moods occasionally, but ive been walking away from the scene to relax.
If you know or have an idea what could be happening, could you please let me now. It may be normal but could you please help anyways to calm me down. Thanks
PS i have had my period recently & drink still.
other things i forgot to mention..
occasionally i have little aches on my sides but not real bad ones, i just notice they’re there. Also i am forever thirsty! Like i could drink water forever!

Frustrated! Need to vent?

Ok, I’m now 40weeks, 4 days pregnant with #3. I’ve been having some real decent contractions for the last 12 hours. But still not quite strong enough to go up to the hospital again (I’ve been there 2 times in under 2 weeks).

Last night was the last day/night of my hubby’s vacation time – he had to take it or lose it. We were hoping baby would come during it so he wouldn’t have to take even more time off. I was having contractions earlier then the 12 hours ago, but that’s when they started to get a little stronger.

My hubby is on medication-it keeps him mentally balanced. It’s also a sleeping pill. Last night I told him to go ahead and take it, since the contractions weren’t getting to be super strong yet. I laid down finally and the contractions picked up for awhile, and didn’t get any sleep. Finally I got up and have been moving around just to try to see what’s going to happen.

My OB is on vacation so chances of an induction are slim until he returns next week.
My parents have my older 2 children with them on a 2 night get away in a hotel, they are on vacation this week and I feel like I’ve let them down by not having this baby yet. I’m getting multiple calls a day from family/friends asking if I’ve had the baby yet, or if I’m in labor, and all that. I’ve gotten to the point of screening my calls because they are just stressing me out. I’ve tried everything I can think of to try to get this baby to come, and so far nothings worked. I’m hoping these contractions I’m having now will build up and get stronger quickly, because I’m beyond ready! I was told over a month ago that labor would be just fine and nobody would try to stop me if I could get the “ball rolling”
I have not had a NST with this pregnancy – in fact my doctor promised me another ultrasound after my one at 20 weeks, and I never got that either. The only way my insurance covers it is if he orders it – he was going to make it look more like it was needed then it really was, so we could see what the new machines could do (they got new ones 2 weeks after my u/s) since this is our last baby, and to hopefully tell us the gender, since baby was stubborn at the 20 week one.

There are 2 other OBs, they all cover for each other while each takes vacation. They also rotate who’s on call and such so the doctor with the most patients (mine) can share some of his load and give the other doctors some extra work. It all evens out I guess.

I’ve been worried about going into the hospital until the contractions get real painful – I’ve been sent home 2 times already, and don’t know if I can “take” being sent home once again. It just sets me back and makes me feel like crap about myself.
When my doctor did a membrane sweep last week he made it out like he’d do everything possible to help me have this baby before he left for vacation if the sweep didn’t work. I called the next day to say “yeah, I’ve had some contractions but nothing regular or consistent” so was told to call again the next day – so I did and had to tell them I wasn’t really getting any contractions any more. So, my doctor decided to have me make an appointment with another OB for this week for a regular prenatal check up. I’m scheduled to go in on Thursday to see a different doctor. Mine says “I hope you don’t make it that long, but just in case…”

Because of all of this, I’ve decided that for any other things I need after the baby arrives for OB/GYN purposes, I’ll be switching doctors. I adore my doctor, he’s awesome at what he does, but he’s ticked me off…

Do i have an eating disorder and should i tell my friend?

Ever since i was 5, i have been obsessed with my appearance. i have always thought myself ugly and fat. through elementary school, i became obsessed with my calves, how they werent firm and stuff. in middle school, i seriously began obsessing. i gained twenty pounds between fifth and sixth grade, going from 70 to 90 lbs, and i panicked. i weighed myself constantly and i reduced my food intake.

it was around 6th grade that i started getting acne. i still have acne, but it was at its worst in 7th and 8th grade. i felt my worst then. my selfesteem went down, and was further shot when i got my first B+ ever. my parents were so disappointed in me and i began to hate myself.

i’ve read that some people with eating disorders like things related to cooking. in 9th grade, i became obsessed with cookbooks. i would go to the public library after school, where my mother would pick me up, and check out several cookbooks at a time, all with big, glossy pictures that i would look at for hours and hours when i was hungry. i still do this, but now i frequent food blogs more.

anyways, in 10th grade (last year) my acne began to clear up and i gained a little confidence, enough confidence to ask out this boy. i got rejected and i panicked. i became obsessed with my face, my weight, and my grades. one friend helped me through this the most by telling me that it wasn’t my fault that the boy didnt like me back. once again, i regained my confidence.

at this time, i was fairly happy. i weighed 120 lbs at 5’5” and ate regularly.

that friend i mentioned before is very, very similar to me. we are competitive, vain perfectionists. his dark sense of humor ruined me–he would make jabs at my academic successes, making me feel as if i deserved nothing that i had recieved; and told me that i was fat and that i should diet. of course, he would always say, “i’m kidding!”

in may of 2010, still 10th grade, that same friend that helped me out became my rival. we were both competing, very bitterly, for the same position. i had to be better than him, smarter than him, and thin, thin, thin. somebody told me that he had been saying very awful things about me, that i was an untalented, ungrateful bitch and so on. i believed him and i regretted that competition. i almost withdrew, but i knew that my parents would be disappointed.

after that, i began to stop eating. from may to october, i had gone from 120 to 114. when this year, junior year, began, our friendship was rocky. every comment was double-edged between us. i was jealous of his self-confidence, that he could be happy at 200+ pounds and that i hated myself for being over 100. he made scathing remarks about my grades, saying, “Look at her, miss perfect. she’s too good for us,” and about my insecurity, “look at me, i’m -name- i care about what others think of me.”

in the fall, i began taking pills for acne. even though it’s a lot better than the acne i had in middle school, i couldnt even look at my face in the mirror.

whenever i pass by any reflective surface, i always look. i look at my thighs first and admire the slimmest parts of myself. it’s addicting.

in the fall, i started measuring myself obsessively, like i did in 8th grade. in 8th grade, i was 5′3” 32 bust 23 waist 32 hip. now, i am 5’5” 30 bust 21 waist 33 hip. i measure constantly and track my waist changes. a good day would be when i am 21 inches. a bad day would be when i was 23 inches. that friend/rival once saw me calculating my waist-hip ratio.

anyways, since the fall and my new job, i have lost another 4 lbs. i have stopped eating lunch altogether for about two months. i feel intense guilt when i snack at all, and sometimes, my hunger is so great that i cant think.

recently, that friend called me out, claiming that i was jealous of his success and that i think he doesnt deserve it. absolutely wrong. he mistook my jealousy for his confidence as jealousy for success. i cried so much that day. that day, i purged myself for the first time.

that scared me and i realized that i might have a problem. i wanted to talk to him, but i realized that if i told him the truth, then i would have to open up about a potential eating disorder, which i think he would laugh at. i remember two years ago, he said, “people with eating disorders are pathetic.”

however, i think his tough love can help me. or hurt me.